Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?
Anger is the strongest form of emotion to express
displeasure towards a person, act, or an event. There are tons of expressions
at our disposal, but many choose to ‘get angry’ to get their point across the
table.
‘Is anger another side of love?’ – is a hotly debated topic
and many psychologists have given their perceptions on it…
Here is my take on the root cause of anger:
Good communication will be
such a great help in avoiding the whole situation!
Here
is one of the most beautiful stories I ever came across:
A
sage, with his disciples, was taking a morning stroll by the Ganges and
chanting the holy names. There was a couple at a
distance, they were distressed and shouting at each other. It turned out that man's
wife had lost her necklace of gold while taking a dip in the Ganges. Her
husband unleashed a flurry of filthy slur and she was shouting back no less.
The
saint stopped, turned towards his disciples and said, "When people are
angry, why do they shout at each other?"
One
of the disciples replied, "Because when we lose our calm, we shout."
"Granted,"
said the sage, "but, why should you raise your voice when the other person
is just next to you? It's not that he's hearing you better that way. You can still
make your point without shouting at the top of your voice."
They
offered various answers, none with any revelation.
Finally,
the sage spoke:
"Anger
immediately creates a distance. When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts are no longer close, their emotions are divided and they go miles apart.
To cover that distance they yell. The angrier they are, the louder they shout.
They are no longer in mode of love, of acceptance, of proximity. They are
unable to hear each other, shouting is how they believe they can be heard.
"And!
what happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but
talk softly, they almost whisper, because their hearts are very close. There's
little or no distance between them.
"When
they love each other even more, they exchange even less words, more softly,
they murmur, they whisper, yet they hear each other better, their bond strengthens, their love prospers. Finally,
they may not even whisper, they only look at each other, silence becomes more
potent than speech, that's how close two people can get when they are in love.
"So
when you argue do not say words that break your bond of love and make you
distant from each other."
