Fight a fight… Fight a FAIR fight…

Fight-  it is the most aggressive form of expression/concern/fear/love?/satisfying ego. The form of communication that is ‘conditional’ unlike love that is ‘unconditional’. We all fight for various reasons, with different people, on unimaginable levels…

Well we’ve all heard and believed (atleast to a certain extent) that ‘all is fair in love and war’* and sadly we forget to read the asterisk that tells us the conditions towards the rule.

So why is the understanding of conditions to fight important? 90% of the times, we fight with the people we know, or care for; but in that moment of hostility the fight gets nasty and dirty. When the fight gets dirty- it only strains the friendship/relationship further instead of resolving the issue (I bet the issue will be tiny-winy).  The perception towards the initiator of the fight changes for the worst and it is hard to see that person in the same light as before ever again. Trust is broken, people are forced to take sides, the sanity gets destroyed.  My observation is that people become more rigid towards their ideas and try to stick to them after a fight. The tendency to change becomes impossible. Sometimes silence says many things.

“Listen! Clam up your mouth and be silent like an oyster shell, for that tongue of yours is the enemy of the soul, my friend. When the lips are silent, the heart has a hundred tongues” ~ Rumi

Moral of the story: Try avoiding fights; communicate with a calm mind if possible, or the best (according to me) just walk out of the situation to save all the drama that follows a fight.

Some rules to consider:

1.     Never lower a character, more so if a woman is involved. Character is the most important and delicate attribute for a human.. don’t use it in unnecessary places.

2.     Always keep a fight private; adding more people takes the fight to a different dynamic. Remember ‘Too many cooks, spoil the broth’.

3.     Don’t spill beans! Never ever, use one secret’s against them during the fight ‘mode’.

Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?

Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?

Anger is the strongest form of emotion to express displeasure towards a person, act, or an event. There are tons of expressions at our disposal, but many choose to ‘get angry’ to get their point across the table.

‘Is anger another side of love?’ – is a hotly debated topic and many psychologists have given their perceptions on it…

Here is my take on the root cause of anger:

Good communication will be such a great help in avoiding the whole situation!

Here is one of the most beautiful stories I ever came across:

A sage, with his disciples, was taking a morning stroll by the Ganges and chanting the holy names. There was a couple at a distance, they were distressed and shouting at each other. It turned out that man's wife had lost her necklace of gold while taking a dip in the Ganges. Her husband unleashed a flurry of filthy slur and she was shouting back no less.

The saint stopped, turned towards his disciples and said, "When people are angry, why do they shout at each other?"

One of the disciples replied, "Because when we lose our calm, we shout."

"Granted," said the sage, "but, why should you raise your voice when the other person is just next to you? It's not that he's hearing you better that way. You can still make your point without shouting at the top of your voice."

They offered various answers, none with any revelation.

Finally, the sage spoke:

"Anger immediately creates a distance. When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are no longer close, their emotions are divided and they go miles apart. To cover that distance they yell. The angrier they are, the louder they shout. They are no longer in mode of love, of acceptance, of proximity. They are unable to hear each other, shouting is how they believe they can be heard.

"And! what happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, they almost whisper, because their hearts are very close. There's little or no distance between them.

"When they love each other even more, they exchange even less words, more softly, they murmur, they whisper, yet they hear each other better, their bond strengthens, their love prospers. Finally, they may not even whisper, they only look at each other, silence becomes more potent than speech, that's how close two people can get when they are in love.

"So when you argue do not say words that break your bond of love and make you distant from each other."