Taking every adversity into Stride!

All of us go through rough phases in life when everything seems to be falling apart or not working in its expected way. Such is the rule of life. Nothing comes easy and for free. What happens? We immediately lose our patience, temper, tranquility, and most importantly HOPE! 

This is the MASK!

When going through a dejected phase, our human brain tends to think of all the bad things that have happened to us in the past, not to learn from the mistakes but to mask the current situation.

“Growth requires pain”! Learning to unlearn the old and learn the new is crucial for us to grow as a person (both professionally, personally, and academically). Being rejected is like hanging on to a slippery pole while trying to climb up the ladder. It doesn’t help much at that point in time.  But with patience and hope, one can climb up the pole slowly and gradually. If everyone gave up on things, this world wouldn’t be as we live in it today. We would still live the ‘cave man’ way !

There are so many inspiring stories that we can learn from:From Edison who changed the face of electronic living “If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward…” 

From the uber talented Michael Jordan“I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” 

There is nothing wrong in things not working. Most of the times, it happens for the best! Its not easier said than done :) From my own experience during my undergraduate years – being rejected by 28 companies for no good reason only brought out the best in me, today!

Floweret

Silver Sand

Restoring Faith in Humanity!

If you haven’t noticed it already, the videos on ‘restoring faith in humanity’ have gone viral on Facebook/YouTube. It is such a shame that someone has to compile a video to make us realize about the need for humanity.

We are all so caught –up in ‘making our lives’ that we fail to appreciate people and nature around us. Is there really a need for a wake-up call?

It was during one of my summer vacations, holidaying with my family in an island for a fortnight (still searching for the pic, once I get a hold of it will surely post it).  It is a beautiful island untouched by the modernization of the world and breathtakingly fantastic to sit in the beach and just gaze at its beauty. The only way to get around is walking or cycling.  The island is flocked by tourists from all over the world!

One late evening, during a walking exploration - an apple vendor came running in front of us with a basket of apples on his head, trying to sell. I was walking empty handed and pocket; explained in the best of my ability that I din’t have money on me to pay him(had just learnt the basic words to get around with the locals).

He smiled; placed the apples (15) in my hands and said you can give my 8000shillings when we meet tomorrow or next time. And before I could ask him to walk with me to my resort, he wished me good night and went away.

I thought about the incident and shared it with my family. What shook me was his confidence or faith in the fact that I will pay him back! It is a floating population and there is no guarantee that his money will come back to him… but it was his faith and humanity to believe in others. The next day, I went to the same place and he was there- with the same smile and enthusiasm; paid the amount owed to him.

Humanity was, is and will always be there! We need to have the eyes to watch and the heart to appreciate… 

Dreamy Love...

There was a family party for me on the occasion of my home coming (almost after two years) and my house was right across the venue of the party.  As the party was over everyone was leaving and I told my parents that my cousin and I would wait to get the leftovers packed. During our wait for our food we started clearing up the table (helping the staff).

As as we were halfway through, I looked up and saw him enter the restaurant with two ladies. I was semi paralyzed, panicking, wondering what I should do. I was going back and forth between continuing the work or just turning my back to him, get the food and then leave.

After much debate- I decided to just keep working. While working I would constantly stare his way. He was sitting in way that his back was towards me. I would sneak around, hiding my face with whatever I could so that he wouldn’t see me. I saw that he would look around once in a while and I kept hoping he didn't see me

Finally we were done cleaning the table and I asked cousin what we should do about the second table because, as it so happened, the second table was right behind the table he was sitting at. So I wasn't sure what to do but finally decided not clean the table. As I decided this I noticed that they were getting up ready to leave. I turned around and told my cousin to walk and not look back.

I was kind of speed walking and then my cousin asked 'what if he was coming towards you?' I told her I hope not and she should just walk with me but she notioned behind me; I looked back, saw him walking towards me, looking right at me. I turned away quickly said 's**t' and started walking a little faster only to realize how stupid I must be looking, trying to avoid someone I already…acknowledged!

So I just stopped, looked back at him, smiled and then turned back towards hoping it would be a quick thing and nothing else

Next thing I know he is wrapping his arms around me from behind and I'm not sure on what happens next but we ended up sitting on the floor, with him behind me and me resting against his chest, snug, and comfy. We were talking about how he stopped keeping in touch and then everything else that happened in between.

And the next I remember is, we were sitting at a table talking about how he was here to celebrate his birthday in advance with his mom and sister

Right then my entire family comes back to the restaurant. They all sit with us and my mom is like "no wonder u can sit here and talk with him for three hours, he is your boyfriend”; as I blushed and answered in a long “nooo, he is my friend”.

Then everyone was trying to talk to him asking him questions, and in my head I was thinking, “Being the decent guy he is, he will speak with everyone". I was upset because I felt like that I would never get to talk to him like this again because he will never be done with my family. It felt like I lost him, which is weird because technically I lost him to my family, which is good as that shows they like him…

Dedicated for the ONE and only YOU!! J <3

Happiness is imagination

It is our need to be happy, to have a healthy life but more than that it is the necessity to remain at peace with everything. Taking the analogy from Zeroth law of thermodynamics, which states that when two bodies are in equilibrium, third body in contact if in equilibrium with first body than it has to be in equilibrium with the second body. If our body is at peace with our soul, then anything which comes to us would be at peace. 

Unfortunately Zeroth law talks only about the final state of equilibrium- the eternal peaceful state. But it doesn't talk about the path taken to achieve that. To our rescue comes in the First law of thermodynamics, which talks about the balance of energy; give something, a part of it would be consumed and the rest given out. The law balances out everything.

According to psychology, a person who smiles or laughs a lot, is said to be unhappy deep inside. So basically, the person is giving out happiness by consuming the pain. To quote a world-class example- is the most beautiful Taj mahal!  Everyone appreciates its beauty and architecture; but no one talks about the workers behind the magnificent structure that is said to be the embodiment of love. The workers were poorly treated with their hands amputated by the emperor so that they wouldn’t build such a beauty again.

Another example - when we say Gandhi was responsible for non-violence, he was the winner; but at the cost of many lives. The list of examples is umpteen. In all the examples, it can clearly be understood what the inputs, outputs and consumed are. 

Now let us look into the second law of thermodynamics, which comprises of two statements, and each of the statement starts with, ''it is impossible to ...'' . Briefly speaking about the first statement, it says, '' it is impossible to work with a single reservoir''.  Hence lays the importance of having a source and sink.

From the above examples it is evident that source and sink go hand in hand. The second statement of the law states that, '' it is impossible to extract energy from low temperature to high temperature without doing any work''.

People who ‘believe’ they are at peace are more vulnerable than the ones who are actually at peace on a day-to-day basis. It is very easy for the former ones to lose their so-called ‘peace’ due to minute things. The latter ones are stronger in their personality and it takes a lot of effort to change them or perturb them and it can’t happen all by itself.

The bottom line is that, to remain at peace and to enter the real temple of peace we have to walk on the rubble of pain or suffering of self or of anyone. So my query is how can such a person be at peace? Because those things will follow us and we cant discard them. Our memories and thought won’t let that happen.

Also, life or state of happiness is never an absolute entity. It doesn’t exist by itself. So this means, we really can never be happy. Happiness is just an illusion…!

Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of imagination .... # Immanuel Kant.  

Fight a fight… Fight a FAIR fight…

Fight-  it is the most aggressive form of expression/concern/fear/love?/satisfying ego. The form of communication that is ‘conditional’ unlike love that is ‘unconditional’. We all fight for various reasons, with different people, on unimaginable levels…

Well we’ve all heard and believed (atleast to a certain extent) that ‘all is fair in love and war’* and sadly we forget to read the asterisk that tells us the conditions towards the rule.

So why is the understanding of conditions to fight important? 90% of the times, we fight with the people we know, or care for; but in that moment of hostility the fight gets nasty and dirty. When the fight gets dirty- it only strains the friendship/relationship further instead of resolving the issue (I bet the issue will be tiny-winy).  The perception towards the initiator of the fight changes for the worst and it is hard to see that person in the same light as before ever again. Trust is broken, people are forced to take sides, the sanity gets destroyed.  My observation is that people become more rigid towards their ideas and try to stick to them after a fight. The tendency to change becomes impossible. Sometimes silence says many things.

“Listen! Clam up your mouth and be silent like an oyster shell, for that tongue of yours is the enemy of the soul, my friend. When the lips are silent, the heart has a hundred tongues” ~ Rumi

Moral of the story: Try avoiding fights; communicate with a calm mind if possible, or the best (according to me) just walk out of the situation to save all the drama that follows a fight.

Some rules to consider:

1.     Never lower a character, more so if a woman is involved. Character is the most important and delicate attribute for a human.. don’t use it in unnecessary places.

2.     Always keep a fight private; adding more people takes the fight to a different dynamic. Remember ‘Too many cooks, spoil the broth’.

3.     Don’t spill beans! Never ever, use one secret’s against them during the fight ‘mode’.

Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?

Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?

Anger is the strongest form of emotion to express displeasure towards a person, act, or an event. There are tons of expressions at our disposal, but many choose to ‘get angry’ to get their point across the table.

‘Is anger another side of love?’ – is a hotly debated topic and many psychologists have given their perceptions on it…

Here is my take on the root cause of anger:

Good communication will be such a great help in avoiding the whole situation!

Here is one of the most beautiful stories I ever came across:

A sage, with his disciples, was taking a morning stroll by the Ganges and chanting the holy names. There was a couple at a distance, they were distressed and shouting at each other. It turned out that man's wife had lost her necklace of gold while taking a dip in the Ganges. Her husband unleashed a flurry of filthy slur and she was shouting back no less.

The saint stopped, turned towards his disciples and said, "When people are angry, why do they shout at each other?"

One of the disciples replied, "Because when we lose our calm, we shout."

"Granted," said the sage, "but, why should you raise your voice when the other person is just next to you? It's not that he's hearing you better that way. You can still make your point without shouting at the top of your voice."

They offered various answers, none with any revelation.

Finally, the sage spoke:

"Anger immediately creates a distance. When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are no longer close, their emotions are divided and they go miles apart. To cover that distance they yell. The angrier they are, the louder they shout. They are no longer in mode of love, of acceptance, of proximity. They are unable to hear each other, shouting is how they believe they can be heard.

"And! what happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, they almost whisper, because their hearts are very close. There's little or no distance between them.

"When they love each other even more, they exchange even less words, more softly, they murmur, they whisper, yet they hear each other better, their bond strengthens, their love prospers. Finally, they may not even whisper, they only look at each other, silence becomes more potent than speech, that's how close two people can get when they are in love.

"So when you argue do not say words that break your bond of love and make you distant from each other."

Fall to Rise... :)

Every cloud has a silver lining .... :)

Indeed -Every cloud has a silver lining! It means that you should never feel hopeless because difficult times always lead to better days.

In relation to the silver lining aspect, there is a strong theory to back it up. My very dear friend introduced to me a theory known as ‘chaos theory’.  Intrigued by the theory, I did some research on it and found it very interesting.  Every event that happens in our life has a ‘certainty’ associated to it; there seems to nothing too random. However, the randomness when seen in the butterfly effect seems to make perfect sense! At the end, all events are beautifully aligned and processed; just like the beautification from a caterpillar to butterfly.

Over the last few days, two of my friends and I have been working on a project with rigorous enthusiasm, as we saw a prospective ‘feather in our cap’. With much-do we  decided to have a rendezvous with the client.  The meeting started off on a high note, very pleased with the hospitality. Gradually the tone of the conversation took a U-turn and things seemed out of place half way through the meeting.  The more we put our point forward, the worst it got; the situation was way out of control and each perception started becoming a catalyst of ruining in its own way.

Helpless and hopeless of the situation, we politely wrapped up the conversation, calling it a day. With mixed emotions, as we took the elevator down, there was sheer silence till we excited the building and reached a restaurant for dinner. Huffing-n-puffing over Mexican food, all upset with turn of events, we started to vent our feelings.

Through the conversation, we realized our power to work as a group.

And woala….! We got the silver lining for our cloud.  We are hopeful that we progress towards bigger and better things as a group.

Moral of this write-up: Never loose hope in any situation- you never know, it could open new doors for you J. Look for the silver lining in every cloud that comes your way.

Happiness- the kickass therapy!

Life comes in its own way changing course of events (both planned and unplanned) and puts us in maze! Stumbling into a situation causing stress is nothing new to us… we have all been there and done that. With every year that goes by, we mature, become stronger, and have better strategies to un-maze the maze.

The best therapy of all times is happiness.  Oxford dictionary’s definition for happiness is “ the state of being happy.” In my opinion happiness is any activity to make you smile, and bring a smile to the person next to you. It is like a warm hug from a loved one; you feel secure and content while unwrapping your arms.

I passionately believe that happiness is a gift to share with everyone. Shimmer the smile everywhere you go. 

Here’s a list of all the crazy happy things I do. Go ahead and sprinkle happiness within and around you:

• Hearing ‘hello’ from grandpa. Teaching him Skype
• Talking to family
• HUG your friend/coworker
• Sharing food… sharing is caring J (you can resolve so many issues over food and conversation)
•  Sitting by the lake with your best friend/friends
• Breaking into a dance step while crossing a busy street (I’ve done this on a NY street; totally worth it!)
• Seeing a toddler trying to walk
• Holding a baby…
•  Baby sitting your lill’ cousin/ friends baby and entertaining them NON-stop
• Calling a long lost friend and saying you missed them
• Having friends to watch a movie
•  Saying ‘I Love YOU’ to someone special
• Sending cakes and flowers to your friend in a different country
• Leaving small notes to your loved one

There are so many creative ways to find happiness… its like creating a perfume; different styles, different flavors!

Have you made anyone happy today? J