Fight a fight… Fight a FAIR fight…

Fight-  it is the most aggressive form of expression/concern/fear/love?/satisfying ego. The form of communication that is ‘conditional’ unlike love that is ‘unconditional’. We all fight for various reasons, with different people, on unimaginable levels…

Well we’ve all heard and believed (atleast to a certain extent) that ‘all is fair in love and war’* and sadly we forget to read the asterisk that tells us the conditions towards the rule.

So why is the understanding of conditions to fight important? 90% of the times, we fight with the people we know, or care for; but in that moment of hostility the fight gets nasty and dirty. When the fight gets dirty- it only strains the friendship/relationship further instead of resolving the issue (I bet the issue will be tiny-winy).  The perception towards the initiator of the fight changes for the worst and it is hard to see that person in the same light as before ever again. Trust is broken, people are forced to take sides, the sanity gets destroyed.  My observation is that people become more rigid towards their ideas and try to stick to them after a fight. The tendency to change becomes impossible. Sometimes silence says many things.

“Listen! Clam up your mouth and be silent like an oyster shell, for that tongue of yours is the enemy of the soul, my friend. When the lips are silent, the heart has a hundred tongues” ~ Rumi

Moral of the story: Try avoiding fights; communicate with a calm mind if possible, or the best (according to me) just walk out of the situation to save all the drama that follows a fight.

Some rules to consider:

1.     Never lower a character, more so if a woman is involved. Character is the most important and delicate attribute for a human.. don’t use it in unnecessary places.

2.     Always keep a fight private; adding more people takes the fight to a different dynamic. Remember ‘Too many cooks, spoil the broth’.

3.     Don’t spill beans! Never ever, use one secret’s against them during the fight ‘mode’.

Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?

Anger… Boon or bane to a relationship?

Anger is the strongest form of emotion to express displeasure towards a person, act, or an event. There are tons of expressions at our disposal, but many choose to ‘get angry’ to get their point across the table.

‘Is anger another side of love?’ – is a hotly debated topic and many psychologists have given their perceptions on it…

Here is my take on the root cause of anger:

Good communication will be such a great help in avoiding the whole situation!

Here is one of the most beautiful stories I ever came across:

A sage, with his disciples, was taking a morning stroll by the Ganges and chanting the holy names. There was a couple at a distance, they were distressed and shouting at each other. It turned out that man's wife had lost her necklace of gold while taking a dip in the Ganges. Her husband unleashed a flurry of filthy slur and she was shouting back no less.

The saint stopped, turned towards his disciples and said, "When people are angry, why do they shout at each other?"

One of the disciples replied, "Because when we lose our calm, we shout."

"Granted," said the sage, "but, why should you raise your voice when the other person is just next to you? It's not that he's hearing you better that way. You can still make your point without shouting at the top of your voice."

They offered various answers, none with any revelation.

Finally, the sage spoke:

"Anger immediately creates a distance. When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are no longer close, their emotions are divided and they go miles apart. To cover that distance they yell. The angrier they are, the louder they shout. They are no longer in mode of love, of acceptance, of proximity. They are unable to hear each other, shouting is how they believe they can be heard.

"And! what happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, they almost whisper, because their hearts are very close. There's little or no distance between them.

"When they love each other even more, they exchange even less words, more softly, they murmur, they whisper, yet they hear each other better, their bond strengthens, their love prospers. Finally, they may not even whisper, they only look at each other, silence becomes more potent than speech, that's how close two people can get when they are in love.

"So when you argue do not say words that break your bond of love and make you distant from each other."

Fall to Rise... :)

Every cloud has a silver lining .... :)

Indeed -Every cloud has a silver lining! It means that you should never feel hopeless because difficult times always lead to better days.

In relation to the silver lining aspect, there is a strong theory to back it up. My very dear friend introduced to me a theory known as ‘chaos theory’.  Intrigued by the theory, I did some research on it and found it very interesting.  Every event that happens in our life has a ‘certainty’ associated to it; there seems to nothing too random. However, the randomness when seen in the butterfly effect seems to make perfect sense! At the end, all events are beautifully aligned and processed; just like the beautification from a caterpillar to butterfly.

Over the last few days, two of my friends and I have been working on a project with rigorous enthusiasm, as we saw a prospective ‘feather in our cap’. With much-do we  decided to have a rendezvous with the client.  The meeting started off on a high note, very pleased with the hospitality. Gradually the tone of the conversation took a U-turn and things seemed out of place half way through the meeting.  The more we put our point forward, the worst it got; the situation was way out of control and each perception started becoming a catalyst of ruining in its own way.

Helpless and hopeless of the situation, we politely wrapped up the conversation, calling it a day. With mixed emotions, as we took the elevator down, there was sheer silence till we excited the building and reached a restaurant for dinner. Huffing-n-puffing over Mexican food, all upset with turn of events, we started to vent our feelings.

Through the conversation, we realized our power to work as a group.

And woala….! We got the silver lining for our cloud.  We are hopeful that we progress towards bigger and better things as a group.

Moral of this write-up: Never loose hope in any situation- you never know, it could open new doors for you J. Look for the silver lining in every cloud that comes your way.

Happiness- the kickass therapy!

Life comes in its own way changing course of events (both planned and unplanned) and puts us in maze! Stumbling into a situation causing stress is nothing new to us… we have all been there and done that. With every year that goes by, we mature, become stronger, and have better strategies to un-maze the maze.

The best therapy of all times is happiness.  Oxford dictionary’s definition for happiness is “ the state of being happy.” In my opinion happiness is any activity to make you smile, and bring a smile to the person next to you. It is like a warm hug from a loved one; you feel secure and content while unwrapping your arms.

I passionately believe that happiness is a gift to share with everyone. Shimmer the smile everywhere you go. 

Here’s a list of all the crazy happy things I do. Go ahead and sprinkle happiness within and around you:

• Hearing ‘hello’ from grandpa. Teaching him Skype
• Talking to family
• HUG your friend/coworker
• Sharing food… sharing is caring J (you can resolve so many issues over food and conversation)
•  Sitting by the lake with your best friend/friends
• Breaking into a dance step while crossing a busy street (I’ve done this on a NY street; totally worth it!)
• Seeing a toddler trying to walk
• Holding a baby…
•  Baby sitting your lill’ cousin/ friends baby and entertaining them NON-stop
• Calling a long lost friend and saying you missed them
• Having friends to watch a movie
•  Saying ‘I Love YOU’ to someone special
• Sending cakes and flowers to your friend in a different country
• Leaving small notes to your loved one

There are so many creative ways to find happiness… its like creating a perfume; different styles, different flavors!

Have you made anyone happy today? J

Break- up is not an option

The change in times is leading towards diversity. Diversity comes with a its own package of virtues and vices. Playing the devils advocate here, lets look at some of the issues with diversity in relationships.

Love is the amazing bond to share with the special someone. It makes you feel wonderful and ‘makes the world around you marvelous’. In my opinion, love is worth the experience and it’s a bliss when it transforms to a stronger relationship, also known as marriage.

This is all the nice side of falling in love. What happens when things turn a little rough between the couple? Most of the couples call it quits without even trying to sort our things. If anything in this case, today’s digital world of communication makes it worse. Texting or leaving voice messages has become the trend to communicate (rudely) during hard times.

Once this stage is passed, people make the worst mistake by calling it quits. ‘Break-up’ seems to be the best solution for everyone in trouble? I fail to understand this concept. Wouldn’t it be easier to sit and talk through the issue instead of being a stupid?  My personal opinion is to take help, may be from a trust worthy friend or professional help!!

While many may question: why should we try to compromise, sit and talk, have patience and try to resolve? When things are not working out isn’t it a peaceful solution to part and stay apart? As the saying believed by many goes, a thread once broken has to be tied with joints and things will never be the same. After the initial phase of joy and wonder, one realizes it being an infatuation and not love: It being a blunder. Lets imagine for the imagination sake: How strong would the relation get if it is talked through? The situation might give a different perspective as we are in a more ‘saner’ mode.  Things will seem practical. We will better appreciate the person sitting across from us, and it then becomes a two way street for respect and love. So what is the glitch is not talking through?

If you don’t try to make it work with the person you so call ‘love’ at the given point in time, there is no guarantee that you will ever find a partner for a life.  Unfortunately, with all the love dramas we witness around us, it is not very rare to see individuals walking around with a trail of broken hearts and souls behind them.

Break-up is NOT the solution peeps! COMMUNICATION will definitely resolve the issues, of any kind.